there is something about the loss of a friend that burns deeper - cuts farther - than the loss of any boy ever could. it could be just me, how wary i am of social interaction, how rare it is that i will offer a stranger anything but the obligatory passing half smile: when i open myself up to you, when i fall in love with you and you with me, when i tell you my secrets, when i lean on you for support, and then it all explodes, or implodes, or just…dissipates…
it’s like a sword fresh from the forge, stabbing into what’s most precious inside of you. losing that boy is incomparable.
i want to scream “you were my friend first! how dare you take his side? FUCK YOU BOTH!”
i don’t. it’s fine. fuck you both.
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