i called my friend to tell her i was considering ditching my trip to new york and trekking over to san francisco instead. she squealed, and as we reminisced over my last visit she reminded me of the most odd and amusing occurrence:

we were walking back to my hotel from some random club, me holding her arm as she was drunk and unable to stay upright for more than a few steps at a time without my assistance. a battered looking transient with a thick grey beard and army fatigue coat was panhandling on an approaching corner, almost yelling at people for money. “can i get some change?” he repeated over and over. no one gave him any.

when i came closer, trying not to make eye contact because i had nothing but a debit card, he stumbled over in front of me and stopped. “can i titty-fuck you, ma’am?” he said. my friend laughed: she laughed so hard i thought she’d choke and die. i did nothing, stunned. “ma’am,” he repeated, “forgive an old man, it’s just been a long time since i seen a pair like that.” this time i laughed and stepped around him, carried on my way.

later that night as my friend and i talked, we decided the least i could have done was flash him. maybe i’ll see him when i return. i’ll be sure to make it right if i do. my friend is determined to “hunt him down and make his day”. she’s a bit insane. which is why she’s my friend.

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  1. ninasemen posted this